Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
