The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
