at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Randomize
