Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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