dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i will never coherently bang her
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
