I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
