Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
