Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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