somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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