My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
