I'm so fucking centered right now
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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