If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
