Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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