Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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