maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
