Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
