whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
