i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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