I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
