Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
i've created a new STD.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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