maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
