I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
