Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
