somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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