I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
