There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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