that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
