If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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