Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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