Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
