How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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