So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
