he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
