just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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