it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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