On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Yo dont text me then not text me
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
