Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
