Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
