I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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