I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
