the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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