no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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