Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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