You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
