Farmville is her only friend.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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