i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
