We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
