oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
