i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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