Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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