you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
